Amy Bowers TV Talk

"The News Before Christmas"


'Twas the month before Christmas, and all through the year
It looked as if newspukes tossed trash everywhere;
Leaving gaffer tape wads and fast food debris,
With scaffolding hardware--a fait accompli.

I with my laptop, and notebook and phone,
Had just settled down to a call from my home.

When out at the feed point there arose such a noise,
That I thought the affiliates had lost all their poise.

I sprang from the work space, and ran past our tables,
To dozens of sat trucks, with hundreds of cables;

I saw with my burnt-out, fried brain on that day,
A Fly-Away Pak on a miniature sleigh,
With eight tiny news crews, and one cut-away,

And a little old driver who, I swear I heard shout,
"I've got one more year left, till I take the buy-out!"

More rapid than jump-cuts his stories they came,
And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now Dubya! now Cheney! now freed Wen Ho Lee!
On, Elian! On, Belgrade! And Bill-Hillary!

To the top of the show! To Hourly Tease!
Now dial IFB and dash away please!"

Then up to the edit bay everyone flew,
With a script full of b-roll,
And Saint Nicholas too.

He had a broad face, and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed at his stand-ups, in spite of myself.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Verbate-ing his sound bites, ignoring a jerk,
Who was a consultant, well-known as a Grinch
Who's from Cedar Rapids, and makes anchors flinch.

He filled all the stockings
With gifts and VO's
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
St. Nick gave a nod, up the Sat dish he rose;

He stood in his keylight,
We were Live! Wall-to-wall;
As he said, "Merry Christmas
And Happy Hanukah to all!"

Amy Bowers

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