THE INTERN-PART 2

August 2005

Joyce Lin/ Photojournalism Intern/ Delaware News Journal/ New Castle, Delaware

- Thus Ends the Summer Adventure-

I came over, expecting to immerse myself in photojournalism and decide whether I truly want to do this for the rest of my life. Little did I know that I wouldn’t learn only about photojournalism, I’d also get thrown life in all of its harsh realities in one quick massive hard-to-swallow chunk… all in the course of one short humid East-coast summer. What a summer.

Everything that one must deal with as a “grown-up” I had to deal with this summer: living alone, dealing with money, car, insurance, food, and people issues, etc. I’ve never had a full-time job before, so that was a first time experience also.

The daily grind frustrates me, because I often find myself in great situations that I wish to further explore, but don’t have time to, either on the job or on my off hours, because the assignments just keep piling up; there is never enough time for anything. “Every newspaper is understaffed,” commented a writer, “everyone is overworked, underpaid.”

You need to find something to keep yourself sane, and I didn’t really. How could there possibly be “no time” for exercise, eating healthy, etc? As an intern, they treated me no differently than a staff-photographer. Maybe I pushed myself too hard, (and yet, I didn’t push myself hard enough.) I really have time management issues and must learn to edit quicker. “Don’t think about work during your days off, otherwise you’ll go crazy,” said my photo director. “You try to work during your days off?” exclaimed the other interns, incredulously. “It’s your day off! Why are you here?” questioned everyone in the newsroom. I’m still used to the college environment, where, with every free moment, I try to shoot for the newspaper, to hang around the newsroom, etc. Here, working full time, you do that everyday; doing the same on days off just might be too much.

I miss my best friend from home, and tried calling every week and keeping in touch through instant messaging online. But it’s still not enough. I miss going back to my apartment everyday to just kick back and freely be me without the false front of hard-working student, dedicated intern, or aggressive photojournalist. Dealing with the emptiness of no good buddy on my side was a strengthening, albeit painful, experience.

I wish the getting-to-know-you process was faster; by the time I bonded with the other interns and got to know other people around the newsroom, the internship is almost over, and it’s practically too late. And everyone is so awesome! With more time, I’m quite sure I could have garnered some tighter friendships with the other interns.

While on that topic though, I was the luckiest intern (because of the experiences photo got me into, not all of the other non-work-related catastrophes that occurred). How could jobs as writer or copy-editor ever compare to actually going out into the community and making photos? But that’s just an opinion… nonetheless, as cold hard proof of photojournalism’s superiority over other newsroom jobs (I am so biased, yes): I’m the intern that drove around the most and got most accustomed to the area and its roads, and experienced the most diverse array of excitement, including a whole slew of summer festivals and the spear-fishing riding-through-thunderstorm-in-tiny-boat adventure.

Ps: to the people who wrote me regarding my previous journal entry, thanks for the positive words and encouragement. It feels nice that I’m not alone; everyone has gone through these experiences some time in their life, photographer or not, but maybe especially us, because there seems to be a lot more loneliness in this business: we are constantly getting involved with people, trying to identify with and understand them, then getting pulled away again. And it really feels like sometimes, nobody understands how you feel, because feelings are intangible, and we are always trying to understand how others feel. It’s weird.

- What of the Future? –

One more year until graduation; one more year until I’m free. Free of parents and school, newly enslaved by real world obligations… but the bullish world is entirely mine, and I’m ready to grab it by the horns and ride it for all it’s worth.

Or am I?

I’m still trying to decide: is photojournalism my passion, what I wish to whole-heartedly pursue for the rest of my life? The other interns are leaving, returning to their schools and old lives, with minds forever changed by this summer newspaper internship. All know that they want to pursue journalism as a career; only I am indecisive. I feel alienated by my wavering mental indecision. Materially, everything’s set-up: I got great contacts from this internship, have joined several photojournalism organizations, and have all the resources I need; the world is at my fingertips. It’s all up to me. It’s a big deal. A big decision. Am I ready to make it?

I consult the reporters, the other photographers. “What do you think? I can’t decide… I don’t know…”

They don’t know either. Nobody knows me better than me; ultimately, the decision is mine. Most wonderfully, I finally realize it’s a decision I don’t need to make. Not ever. Or at least not yet.

I am only 19 years old. I shall ride the bull as I please, be one with the wave of life, crashing against jagged rocky obstacles, lovingly engulfing other pleasures of friendships, adventures, and art. The ocean is huge; gigantic. I don’t need to choose one destination right now; I am still young. Even if I make a “mistake,” I still have time to change my mind, to try something else.

So there is no need to worry and question whether it’s REALLY my “passion” or whether I truly want to do it for the rest of my life, because one really can’t determine the eternal forever of anything, let alone a person.

So, no.

But, yes.

Now, when people ask me, “Is this what you want to do for the rest of your life?” I will answer, “YES! Hell yes, totally yes, absolutely yes, yes, yes!” Because this is what I want to do and am preparing myself for now, ignoring frightening thoughts of a murky impending future (my looming graduation), and absolutely giving myself to the gods of “carpe diem”: live for the moment.

I love photo today, have loved it forever, got serious a year ago… so maybe I’ll stay serious, maybe I won’t. But, whatever. CARPE DIEM. I’m going for it NOW.

Joyce Lin

JAZAMOO@GMAIL.COM

My most-emotional shoot; I didn't even know them, and yet I cried. Most of these kids will never see each other again. Before the shoot, my photo-director said, "Remember to get close to your subject!" and I remembered Robert Capa's "If your pictures aren't good enough, you're not close enough." Protestant and Catholic youth from Ireland, part of the Ulster Project Delaware, gather on Friday, July 29, 2005 for a final goodbye before boarding the bus at St. Paul's United Methodist Church in Brandywine Hundred, DE. The bus will take them to the airport, which then takes them back home to Ireland, potentially never seeing these people that they have bonded so well with over the past month, creating much tears and cries of "I love you!" and "I'll miss you so much!" © The News Journal/Joyce Lin   This was the most exciting shoot, ever. I rode out 5 miles into a random nowhere in the middle of the ocean to shoot a spearfishing contest, slipped and fell off the rocks and into the ocean with my camera still hanging around my neck (destroying both my knees and the camera), then rode back to land through a thunderstorm.   Local spear fishermen weigh their fish after competing at an informal spearfishing contest at the Delaware breakwater on Sunday, August 6, 2005. © The News Journal/Joyce Lin A fun shoot on a local skate-park. Chris Brown (20, Middletown) takes a smoke-break after an afternoon of biking at Newport Skate Park on August 15, 2005. © The News Journal/Joyce Lin   PROJECT SHOOT-ME= collection of "take my picture!" people from shoots, who I'd normally ignore--- just go ahead and take their picture, get their info, and stick it in this project .   Children play in the bounce-house at the Family Reunion event in Wilmington, DE on July 30, 2005. © The News Journal/Joyce Lin PROJECT LIGHT= studies of light and shadow interplay; usually abstract © Joyce Lin   Hanging out in Philadelphia with my photo-director and his wife.   © Joyce Lin Dinner with other interns and staff at the managing editor's home (so sweet). © Joyce Lin   Office nightlife: sports desk and copy-editors take a short break to watch some baseball. (Some things never change. Always sports and copy in the office late at night at college, too.)   © Joyce Lin PROJECT EMPTY STAGE= places usually with people, devoid of humans. also focusing on lighting and illumination of these places for surreal quality © Joyce Lin   Another potential project on... me. I take pictures of myself alot, sometimes (as here) to test lighting situations, other times as documentation of I-did-this-went-here touristy stuff, etc. Maybe a project.   © Joyce Lin

See Joyce's photo-blog for more on her internship: /http://www.livejournal.com/~moopix/