---

Amy Bowers TV Talk    "Ask the Newspuke"

Dear Thoughtful: 
I don't really worry about it, because I don't watch much TV, so it didn’t really interrupt my favorites. I'll tell you what offended me: NBC's “tragedy” special open. I didn’t mind the graphics and theme music, that’s to be expected because they know how.  But slipping in a mini-montage of the NBC and MSNBC anchors the first weekend went over the line.  I’m not so keen on the repeated cry of "we don't want to speculate," immediately followed by half a dozen guests who are asked to speculate. 

Thoughtful follow-up question: What I want to know is this: why, as a nation, are we so emotionally constipated that we have to wait for a Di-ification to write poems and give away flowers? Why aren't we writing poems and giving flowers to those, among the living, we love? Enough grouch for one evening. I have owls in my front yard, so who can complain. 

Dear Sensitive stillguy: 
I am a romantic who writes poems and whispers sweetnesses to the ones I love. And gush with thanks when one of the un-blocked gives me flowers. 

To feel some affection and express it, maybe you have to have the TV off. Maybe you have to have spent some time learning to play a musical instrument, or memorize a poem. Maybe you need to let the dog put his head on your lap, while you rub his ears.  Maybe you have to sit down for a meal with the family, and know how good it tastes, and be glad for the company. And laugh really hard at somebody's joke, and then have some ice cream. 

I honestly think that "family" is a low priority in this culture. It comes behind money. So, if you work long hours to make the money. Or you spent the money on digital toys and want to use them instead of wasting time at dinner. Or you're tired and you just don't give a shit about the kids, and tell them to put on a tape while you veg out. Then your heart will stay shut, and your breathing will be tight, and your emotions will not be accessible until they are choked out of you by old Kennedy archives with somber strings.  

Please send a photo (horizontal) of the owls. 
  
Dear Newspuke: 
I have resigned from my Westinghouse station after working there 20+ years.  
--BeenThere DoneThat 

Dear BeenThere:  
I'm thrilled for you. Bon Voyage! 

Follow-up question: 
Do you think they’ll be shocked? 
--BT DT 

My Dear Unshackled: 
TV is a young person's business. They'll replace you and never think twice about you again. Sorry, but it's true. Who wants to keep shouting “D is rolling!” to the old guy who forgets to pause the tape? Pretty soon we’ll all be stuck behind old Pukes shooting with the video equivalent of leaving the turn signal on for 15 miles. 
  
Comment from the Peanut Gallery: 
Maybe in the future we can get old TV people, like over 40, and push them out on icebergs with live cameras attached and watch them die! Zoweeeeee! This is hot. I gotta check it out.  

Dear Newspuke: 
“It leaves one almost speechless,”  I heard someone say on MSNBC, right before launching into another 8 minutes of talk. Does this make sense? 
--NewsJunkie 

Dear Junkie: 
Wall-to-wall coverage requires a lot of speech. What was your question? 

Dear Newspuke: 
I read that TV isn’t good for 2-year-olds. Isn’t television an important factor in early childhood education? 
--Two Parents 

Dear TP: 
Look at the sky. Don’t be afraid to laugh or cry. Ride a horse. Try not to divorce. Tell stories. Serve ice cream. 
  

Amy Bowers 
amy@marash.tv